1) When you see a man in uniform, shoot first and then ask questions. Useful phrase:
Nae te'ake'ô', ne teyaknyatköëtahkwa' tesheyêônyö' nae wihíák.2) When stopped by a motorcycle cop, roll down the window politely, look up, and say
Oh I'm sorry, I thought you were coming on to my wife.
Aayê' nae aayustêôti'.If that doesn't work, take out your turtle rattle and do a rain dance.
It looks like rain.
3) While hunting out of season, cover the tip of your rifle with a condom to deaden the sound. If you see a forest ranger, shoot him in the head. Nobody will hear it. Useful phrase:
Waa'yák nae u'káôk?4) Set bear traps at regular intervals around your still. Be humane and put anything out of its misery that gets caught in them, whether wearing a uniform or not. Useful phrase:
Did I hear a gunshot?
Tha'kwistë' nae te'akáôkê' n-í'a.
I didn't hear anything, sir.
Na'u't sêtö wai ne' nêkê wésu' uwænöka'te'? Uwânö' akeka'has.5) If a policeman asks you what language you are speaking, say it's Highland Scots. Useful phrase:
What do you mean this is a lot of sugar? I like sugar.
Unötawa'ká' nô ëkatwënôta'k.6) Demand a federally paid official translator into your Native language for any court proceedings. That way I can get off welfare. Useful phrase:
I'm talking hillbilly.
Sôká' nëkhu ökwe'öwékhá' ukwényô kës ëtyesnye't?7) Be careful about speaking Mingo too freely to police officers. My cousin was speeding south of Pittsburgh and got stopped by the highway patrol. He said
Is there anybody here who speaks Mingo?
Te'uskás te'akáôkë ne kányö'ökhá'.The cop answered
I'm sorry, sir, but I don't understand English.
Nae niyu'tê? Wíyú shô akáôkë nae í'.
Is that so? Well, I understand very well.
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