Surviving Brushes with the Law

1) When you see a man in uniform, shoot first and then ask questions. Useful phrase:

Nae te'ake'ô', ne teyaknyatköëtahkwa' tesheyêônyö' nae wihíák.
Oh I'm sorry, I thought you were coming on to my wife.
2) When stopped by a motorcycle cop, roll down the window politely, look up, and say
Aayê' nae aayustêôti'.
It looks like rain.
If that doesn't work, take out your turtle rattle and do a rain dance.

3) While hunting out of season, cover the tip of your rifle with a condom to deaden the sound. If you see a forest ranger, shoot him in the head. Nobody will hear it.  Useful phrase:

Waa'yák nae u'káôk?
Did I hear a gunshot?

Tha'kwistë' nae te'akáôkê' n-í'a.
I didn't hear anything, sir.

4) Set bear traps at regular intervals around your still. Be humane and put anything out of its misery that gets caught in them, whether wearing a uniform or not. Useful phrase:
Na'u't sêtö wai ne' nêkê wésu' uwænöka'te'?  Uwânö' akeka'has.
What do you mean this is a lot of sugar?  I like sugar.
5) If a policeman asks you what language you are speaking, say it's Highland Scots.  Useful phrase:
Unötawa'ká' nô ëkatwënôta'k.
I'm talking hillbilly.
6) Demand a federally paid official translator into your Native language for any court proceedings. That way I can get off welfare.  Useful phrase:
Sôká' nëkhu ökwe'öwékhá' ukwényô kës ëtyesnye't?
Is there anybody here who speaks Mingo?
7) Be careful about speaking Mingo too freely to police officers. My cousin was speeding south of Pittsburgh and got stopped by the highway patrol. He said
Te'uskás te'akáôkë ne kányö'ökhá'.
I'm sorry, sir, but I don't understand English.
The cop answered
Nae niyu'tê? Wíyú shô akáôkë nae í'.
Is that so? Well, I understand very well.

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